he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
