I faked an abortion last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
