everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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