im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
