Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
