wakey wakey hands off snakey
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
