You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
