oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
