I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
