No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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