I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize