Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
