I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
