Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
