I seem to have left my pride at pride
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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