omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
