I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
