i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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