Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
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Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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