coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I came so hard my ears popped.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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