Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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