i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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