just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
