God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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