i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
