Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
