I wish I could punch you in the face.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
