he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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