***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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