In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
