i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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