Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
