it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner