..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
