what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize