he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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