All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
