You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
