that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
