just come out here and I will go home with you...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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