You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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