Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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