Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
