Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
