My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
