Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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