It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
