I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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