wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
