Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
