I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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