I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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