He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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