can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Randomize
