Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
