I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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