allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
