You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.