Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.