Swine flu. Run for my life!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.