i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.