Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...