Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
