If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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