eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
