I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
