The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
