as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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