He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
