I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My liver just had a heart attack.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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