Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
