I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
