You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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