I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
