im drinking this country out of the recession.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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