The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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