Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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