dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
