my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
